A couple weeks ago, after another long week of Super Mama life (aka early morning terrorist negotiations with my 9 year old, before school care drop offs, pick ups, long ass commutes, dinner, activities, bath time and then finally my favorite moment of Super Mama life BED TIME) I crawled into bed to find Anabella there. She quickly made a point to turn her back to me and stick her bum out as if to say, "don't touch me". I lean over to ask her what's wrong only to get a curt response of "nothing"......then again...and the same. Wait, am I married to my 9 year old now????
Anyways, I proceed to ask her again and we go back and forth until finally exasperated I say, "You know what Anabella? You can be mad at me all you want to be, but you can not be mad at me and sleep in my bed beside me. SO let's get you tucked into your bed." That of course lead to more debates until finally I turn over and just curtly say, "Good night Anabella. I love you no matter what but I sure don't like it when you be so lippy to your Mama. It hurts my feelings."
About 10 minutes of silence and no sleeping later, I hear a whisper from the other side of the bed, "Mama, I'm sorry", to which I quickly respond, "Bella, what are you sorry for?" to which Bella responds, "I'm really sorry for being so lippy and hurting your feelings." GOD BLESS YOU CHILD YOU HAVE A CONSCIENCE was my last thought as we quickly snuggled to sleep.
The next morning on the way to school it occurred to me, I wonder if Anabella even knows what "Lippy" means? as its a word my Dad used in my childhood and I rarely ever use. Well, this is how that conversation went and this was a very valuable Mama lesson for me:
Me: "Anabella, last night when you said you were SORRY for being lippy....do you know what Lippy means?"
Anabella: "No. What does Lippy mean Mom?"
Me: "Anabella, you don't know what Lippy means?! It means cheeky or argumentative or not being nice to your Mom. Why would you say Sorry for something if you didn't know what it meant?"
Anabella: "Because YOU said I was being Lippy and then you were upset, so I said Sorry for being Lippy."
Me: Crucial Mama Lesson Moment. "Anabella. Look at my eyes right now!. I don't want you EVER again in your lifetime to apologize to anyone for something you don't understand. No matter how upset Mommy or Daddy or your teachers or anyone is...always ask questions so you can understand. THEN you can apologize if you think it's the right thing to do."
This happens all the time and we don't even realize it as parents. When Anabella was a toddler I always used to say, "Step on it Freddy", to get her to walk a little faster. Finally when she was about 3.5 years old she turned to me one day and said, "I'm trying Mama, but what am I supposed to STEP ON?". Priceless. Makes me laugh to this day when I think about that moment.
To all my new Mama's out there: Pay Attention.
Our babies do what we say without fully understanding it. They apologize without fully comprehending what they should be apologizing for. I'm so much more aware now to ensure Anabella or any other child around me understands things and doesn't just try to be a people pleaser by following direction. I want to raise a child who comprehends and leads others, not just a child who does as she's told and follows direction regardless of comprehension.
I love being her Mama and I'm so grateful for the little laughs and the life lessons she continues to teach me every day of our life together.
Love,
Jess + Bella
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