Oh the irony...

Oh the irony.  This post was written by me in 2010 when I was going through the break up of my family and  a separation and divorce from Anabella's Daddy.  I never published it on my blog for some reason.  When I found it in my Drafts  today, I couldn't help but notice how fitting the majority of it was for the last couple months of our life and the loss of my best friend & beautiful sister Robin Ida Ashley.

"When I had nothing more to lose, I was given everything. 

When I ceased to be someone who I am, I found myself. 

When I was humilated and yet I kept on walking, 

I realised I was free to choose my own Destiny" 
- Paulo Coelho

 

In case it's not evident...I love quotes. I think life is nothing but a million quotes combined and it's up to each of us, as individuals, to decide what we do with them, how WE incorporate them into our own lives, and which words we choose to trust and have faith in.  
 

To me, quotes are priceless little nuggets of golden wisdom from people who have lived my life and plus a million more, walked in my shoes and a billion steps more, and suffered enough pain and happiness to be able to recognize THAT in themselves and be able to pass it on to the rest of us who are still in "it". 
 

You can not truly appreciate the happy and good times, if you've never had to overcome the difficult and sad.  You can not ever grow into the person you are truly meant to be, if everything is handed to you easily.  You can't learn and grow as a human being, without being challenged on every level.  
 

This past month has been one of the toughest months of my life, and for those of you who know me inside and out...THAT is saying a lot.  But SHAW-KING-LY I am still standing, still breathing, still smiling, still loving and still laughing at something every single day. Through all the pain and challenge,  I have GAINED some amazing strength, courage, self knowledge, personal insight, love, and friendships that I didn't even know were missing in my life.
 

To my secret angels, I owe a million and one thank you's....

To the instigators of my pain, I owe a million and one thank you's....

To the people who make me smile through it all, I owe a million and one thank you's...

To the person listening to my ramblings and prayers, I owe you a million and one thank you's...
 

To the love of my life, the instigator of my self truth, the creator of my self love, and the believer of my nakedness, Ms. Anabella April Gracie,  I owe you a million and one thank you's. 

I wanted you before I conceived you.
I loved you before I felt you.
I knew you before I saw you.
I will spend every second of every minute-of every hour-of every day-of every week-of every month-of every year, giving back to you ALL that you have effortlessly given me and MORE.

I am so blessed in so many ways.

Love,
Jess