"The most authentic thing about us is our capacity to create,to overcome,to endure, to transform,to love and to be greater than our suffering." -Ben Okri

Thank you Ben Okri, I couldn't have said it better myself.  Little words of wisdom can make a world of difference.


xo

Sunny Island Days...

A picture can speak a million words....thanks to some amazing people. xo

Go team Royal LePage! Coolest Silly Boat Festival Boat ever!

Can you spot the pirate?

Damn broken pedals...

The war begins...

Sisters from another Mister...

What's wrong with texting on a hot summer day? Shut er' down.

Second guessing...deja vu

It's human nature to stop, look back in hind site and second guess a choice or series of choices that get you smack dab exactly where you are standing.  Are you supposed to be standing there? Was it supposed to be like this? Is this some huge life lesson I'll sit back and reflect on one day and be able to be grateful for?  It sure doesn't feel like it while you're in it....


It's the little things that give me faith I'm making the right choices. Even when some pretty major things make it feel like it's all wrong some days....


Deja vu :  A series of deja vu's keep happening to me and yesterday when it happened again, my friend turned to me and said, "That's great! It means you're in the right place and doing what you're supposed to be doing."  Really? That's what Deja vu means? All this time in the world and I'm just learning this now? Seriously sometimes I wonder....anyways, that little tidbit of wisdom really helped me feel good and right and okay yesterday.  Weird right? No. Well SO did the sun, the laughs, the great old-new friends, the broken boats, the cute boys (maybe I mean sweet little blond boys or maybe I don't), the happy tuna roll (FYI, Modern Cafe does the best Happy Tuna Roll EVER), the skinny bitches (you know who you are...oops I mean the drink or do I?), the soap opera and the texts.


My daughters smile and unconditional love...


My friends....


Sleeping soundly at night...


The river....yes I said the river...


My sanity....


My smile...it may not be here every day, but when it is here it's REAL and genuine and large and it feels friggin' fantastic.


Yah, I'm going to appreciate every day for what it is, for who and what it brings me and for what I can learn....and I'm not going to second guess any of it.  Life is about experiences, challenges, and growth....


I'm TOOOOOTALLY growing right now.  You should see me, I think I'm like 8 feet tall now... Pfff.

A new day...hallelujah

So, it's clear that life right now is made up of  a series of huge ups, downs, curves and divots. I pretty much think that's the norm for "most" people out there, or at least the ones who are in touch enough with themselves to be honest with the world around them. For those of you who contacted me so worried after my last blog post, DON'T WORRY I'M OKAY...it was a bad day....lol...I survived it, and I'm doing just fiiiine.  


I'm honest. I'm open. I face things head on.  I accept who I am. I appreciate what I have. I work hard every day to be the BEST person I can.  I strive to be a perfect parent, but accept there's no such thing.  I own my "stuff" and even attempt to fix some of it.  I let myself feel ALL of the feelings, because pretending "IT" isn't there, only makes things last a lifetime longer. ( Just ask all the divorcee's out there.)


And I blog about all of it....because I can.  I don't ask anyone to read it, or like it or comment on it.  I do it for me, I do it for my daughter and I do it NOW because I have received so many emails of encouragement and support and understanding from people that I would least expect.  I also do it now, because apparently my writings make some of you laugh, some of you cry, and some of you feel alot less alone in this big, huge world full of plastic people, happy faces, perfect lives and keeping up with the Crackbook Jones's.  Oh don't worry, I'm well aware that there's a TON of great people in the world and not everybody is fake and shallow.   I can safely say a good percentage of the "good ones" are my good friends or family or even some of the newer friends I've made in the past couple months.  I'm still so lucky in so many ways.  Luckier now, more than ever....never thought I could say that so soon.


Yah, it's true.  I'm strong.
Yah, it's true.  I'm not perfect.
Yah, it's true.  I put it all out there and strive to have an amazing new life with my daughter.
Yah, it's true.  On crackbook, my life to the outside viewer always appeared perfect.
Yah, it's true.  I have bad days and even bad weeks.


Yep, I'm human and I'm honest and I'm going to keep being honest and keep being grateful and keep SMILING and keep being ME.


Because I CAN....now.


xo

The day it all went dark...

So, this is the day it all went dark...for me...for my life...for my strength...for my "holding it all together, super mama, strong willed, and persevering" self....


I have tried to be so strong, to push forward with confidence and ignore the people and circumstances that brought me to where I stand today; a single and separated Mama of a perfect, adorable, smart, gifted, loyal, loving, funny, little girl who can do no wrong in this world and who wouldn't harm a fly.  (She's scared of flies, so I have to do it for her...BAM!)


In the past two months I've packed up a single suitcase and my daughter and left my life, my friends, my husband and my home.....because I had no other choice.


I stayed with family, got my feet back on the ground and cried my tears DRY 1000 times over...


I leased a condo on the island, accepted a job opportunity, got a lawyer, went to mediation with my soon to be ex and blew way too much money for nothing.


I rented a uHaul drove up to my house and loaded up as much of mine and my daughters LIFE and things as I could manage in a two hour window before rolling out of Vancouver one last time....that was a tear soaked day for sure.


I've sucked it up, let it roll off my back, ignored, and moved forward with as much strength, dignity and pride as I could muster.  I SMILED every single morning, every single day and every single night for my beautiful treasure and a joy of a daughter.  I did what Mamas do....I pulled up my big girl pants and moved forward with our new life, because that is what Mama's do. We be strong. We show grace. We show courage. We show unconditional love. And we shelter or babies from any harm, pain, or suffering that is happening around them.


I've done all the right things. I've talked to all the right people. I've done everything I thought was right and trusted all the people I thought were trustworthy, only to have that come back and bite me in the ASS too.  


All I can say over and over again is WHY? WHY? WHY? 


I have learned so much this past couple months, but one woman, one mama can only take so much before she starts to crack too.


I'm beyond cracked...I'm shattered and I'm broken.  Thank god my true friends and my real family, love me no matter how many pieces they have to pick up and no matter how many times they have to crazy glue me back together.....I'm pretty much a breathing, living "work of art" at this point in time.


I just wonder how many times you can shatter completely, before you can't be put back together again?


Thank you to all my angel friends and my amazing family, for sticking by me and loving both me and my beautiful daughter no matter what mood we're in or how bad our week has been.  Although my sweet girl seems to live in a pretty happy little world...so not hard to love her.  It's just me...the mama...who is hard to love on a lot of days...


Today my world is dark...and there's no pretending otherwise.  But my sweet little girl is such a bright ray of light every single second of every single day, and will always be such a strong representation of the kind of parent I have always been, I swear she glows........thank god for her.


And oh yah, for ex's  or ex family members or ex friends or ex anything's who read this (And if you fall into that EX category, why exactly are you reading this again???) and think OMG, she's really losing it....


NEWS FLASH: Us Mama's, super-human as we appear, truly are ONLY human and we're more than entitled to have a bad day.  I just happen to Blog....and this just happens to be my day.