The day it all went dark...

So, this is the day it all went dark...for me...for my life...for my strength...for my "holding it all together, super mama, strong willed, and persevering" self....


I have tried to be so strong, to push forward with confidence and ignore the people and circumstances that brought me to where I stand today; a single and separated Mama of a perfect, adorable, smart, gifted, loyal, loving, funny, little girl who can do no wrong in this world and who wouldn't harm a fly.  (She's scared of flies, so I have to do it for her...BAM!)


In the past two months I've packed up a single suitcase and my daughter and left my life, my friends, my husband and my home.....because I had no other choice.


I stayed with family, got my feet back on the ground and cried my tears DRY 1000 times over...


I leased a condo on the island, accepted a job opportunity, got a lawyer, went to mediation with my soon to be ex and blew way too much money for nothing.


I rented a uHaul drove up to my house and loaded up as much of mine and my daughters LIFE and things as I could manage in a two hour window before rolling out of Vancouver one last time....that was a tear soaked day for sure.


I've sucked it up, let it roll off my back, ignored, and moved forward with as much strength, dignity and pride as I could muster.  I SMILED every single morning, every single day and every single night for my beautiful treasure and a joy of a daughter.  I did what Mamas do....I pulled up my big girl pants and moved forward with our new life, because that is what Mama's do. We be strong. We show grace. We show courage. We show unconditional love. And we shelter or babies from any harm, pain, or suffering that is happening around them.


I've done all the right things. I've talked to all the right people. I've done everything I thought was right and trusted all the people I thought were trustworthy, only to have that come back and bite me in the ASS too.  


All I can say over and over again is WHY? WHY? WHY? 


I have learned so much this past couple months, but one woman, one mama can only take so much before she starts to crack too.


I'm beyond cracked...I'm shattered and I'm broken.  Thank god my true friends and my real family, love me no matter how many pieces they have to pick up and no matter how many times they have to crazy glue me back together.....I'm pretty much a breathing, living "work of art" at this point in time.


I just wonder how many times you can shatter completely, before you can't be put back together again?


Thank you to all my angel friends and my amazing family, for sticking by me and loving both me and my beautiful daughter no matter what mood we're in or how bad our week has been.  Although my sweet girl seems to live in a pretty happy little world...so not hard to love her.  It's just me...the mama...who is hard to love on a lot of days...


Today my world is dark...and there's no pretending otherwise.  But my sweet little girl is such a bright ray of light every single second of every single day, and will always be such a strong representation of the kind of parent I have always been, I swear she glows........thank god for her.


And oh yah, for ex's  or ex family members or ex friends or ex anything's who read this (And if you fall into that EX category, why exactly are you reading this again???) and think OMG, she's really losing it....


NEWS FLASH: Us Mama's, super-human as we appear, truly are ONLY human and we're more than entitled to have a bad day.  I just happen to Blog....and this just happens to be my day.