My baby grew up...

Well today was another momentous day for the memory box. My baby who started her full day Montessori preschool at 2.5 years old while still wearing her "almost big girl" pull ups just had her very last end of year preschool picnic.  Where did the time go? I seriously blinked and she grew up?!

I didn't realize just how much until today when I sat and observed Bella amongst the newest little students (aka the "sleepers") of the school.  The newbies who are still so little that they toddle around needing their mamas and talking in their cute little "baby" voices.  Meanwhile in the background my BIG girl (aka the "kinders")  prances and runs and leads the other kids,  all while being a helper and assisting the teachers with all their "picnic responsibilities". She went from baby of the class to teachers helper and leader of the little girls in a few sweet breaths. 

Here are a few photos to remember her special day. I feel so fortunate to be able to spend these special moments with her. 

Remember these three things:

1) Your "grown up" life is always going to be busy.

2) There is NEVER going to be enough time in your day.

3) You only have ONE chance to get it right for your kids, so treat them like the gift they are and spend the time with them that matters.  You can't go back and have a "do over" for the days, months or years you miss.  So don't miss them. No matter what.

jess & bell xo

Dear Anabella...

Dear Anabella,

You stayed at your Daddy's house the last two nights and I'm missing you like crazy.  It's beyond quiet at our house when you're gone and no matter what I do, it always feels like something is missing.  

There's nobody dancing around the house singing "Taylor Wift" songs  or posing in front of the mirrors while talking about "Justin Beaver".  There's no sound of Shake it up Chicago or Good Luck Charlie in the background. There's nobody to argue with about eating their "healthies"  at dinner and there's nobody spilling juice on my bed.  There's nobody to do bedtime routine with at 7:00 - Bath, jammers, teeth, show, bed, stories, lights out and snuggles.  There's nobody helping me dust and sweep floors or complaining about how boring it is.  There's nobody asking me questions and filling me on on FACTS from pre-kinder class.  There's nobody to wake up every morning by singing, "Good Mooooorning Anabella, Good Mooooorning my lovie girl" and there's nobody glaring at me and yelling, "No photos Mama" while I snap pics on my iPhone. There's nobody to argue with about what to wear to school or how to do your hair and theirs nobody to tell us funny jokes on the way to Daddy's house before school. There's also nobody to drink milk through the straw on the side of the cereal bowls....you love doing that!

There's a funny thing that happens when you become a mama and I can only pray you get to experience this all yourself someday.  When you are with your kids, as much as you LOVE and adore them, you can't wait for them to fall asleep so you can have a few tiny moments of silence. (Did you know that the average 5 year old asks 500 questions a day? I think you ask 600 Anabella!!!)  Anyways, back to the funny part...When you stay at your Daddy's house, I can't stand the silence and all I do is count down the seconds until you're home asking me 1000 questions again.

If you pinky swear not to tell anyone I'll tell you a  little secret of how I survive when you stay at Daddy's....I sleep snuggled up with one of your t-shirts just like you've always slept with Mommy's and Daddy's t-shirts since you were a new born baby in  your bassinet.   Kent thinks Mommy is crazy....and I tell him he'll understand someday if he ever gets to be a "real" Daddy.

This morning Daddy sent me this picture of you. I swear even when you are only gone for TWO days you grow! You are turning into such a BIG girl now and I couldn't be more proud to be your Mama.  I wonder if the day will come that you stop calling me Mama and switch to MOM instead?  Did you know I still call Nana Mama? 

Your teachers rave about you every time I see them. They said at the age of 5 you are reading, writing and doing arithmetic at a grade 2 level.  You don't even start kindergarten until September! What are they going to do with you there? Maybe you will be ready to teach the class by then?! 

At night when Mommy is tired, you always tell me its okay if I have a rest and then you ask me if there's anything you can do for me? And THEN you do my favorite thing ever...you ask me to lay my head on you and you rub my forehead just like I rub yours to put you to sleep.  

You  have an American Girl doll named Madeline who you take such great care of. You take her everywhere with you, you feed her, you change her, you tuck her into bed every night and wake her up every morning with kisses and snuggles.  You talk to her all the time and when you've been away you race into your room and say, "Hi everyone, I've missed you guys".  You treat all your stuffies and Madeline like they are your own little family and you ask Mommy to take care of them when you are gone.  I love to see that you are already learning how to be a really great Mama.  

You love the words BFF and Peace and Dream and Love and Cupcake and Birthday right now.  You also love pudding. Vanilla or butterscotch pudding...any chance you can have it and sometimes you and Kent squirt whip cream into your mouths from the can!

Keep being the amazing, important,  strong, independent, loving, honest, motivated, hardworking, smart, affectionate, cheeky, funny, outgoing, friendly, singing, dancing, creative, artistic, opinionated, thoughtful, compassionate, kind, helpful, cheeky and beautiful little girl you are. You are going to have such a wonderful life and I KNOW you will do amazing things in this world.  

I love you most....
Mama
xoxo

Goal #249857439823

This blog post is for my inspiration. My Mama and my daughter.

The time has arrived to reach deep down into my core and challenge my inner strength and my ability to BE MYSELF and have fun no matter what the situation may be. Even more important - without the help of a lovely little aid and bff in "social relaxation"  called ALCOHOL.  Yep, for real. And no  I am not crazy or having an almost mid-life crisis.  Ok, maybe I’m a little bit crazy but that has NOTHING to do with alcohol;-)

On the morning of June 9, 2013, after going out for a long anticipated and long overdue (1.5 years overdue) Girls Night Out, a funny thing happened.....my body woke up, but my eyes which had become nothing more than glorified slits refused to open due to the pounding, throbbing screams for help and re-hydration coming from my temples.  The best I could do was moan, roll over and grab the large water bottle from the bedside table beside me that a certain special someone had been thoughtful enough to leave for me.  Yep, he must know me by now;-)

My first thought, "Oh my god what did I do?"
Second, "How the hell did I get from downtown Vancouver back to my comfy cozy bed in Port Moody?".
Third, "Oh my god, did I leave my friends somewhere?"

Fourth, "Oh my god, where's Kent, is he mad at me?"
Fifth, "This is ridiculous. This is not worth it. I am NEVER drinking again....well except for the family reunion and except for family dinners at Kelly's and except for weddings and except for birthdays and date nights and except for every single other excuse for social events that I could possibly think of."

As I stumbled out of bed, much to the amusement of my "not hangover, bright faced, bushy tailed, smiling, happy, feeling TERRIFIC running out the door to the gym boyfriend", I couldn't help but be thankful for the life reminder of mornings like these.  Horrible, wasted, unhealthy mornings like these.  The exact reason I NEVER drink when I have my little girl at home with me.  Feeling tired, sick, energy-less, with a headache and a vague memory of what occurred the night before....not a feeling to be proud of as a 37 year old Super-Mama, girlfriend, career woman, daughter, sister and friend. 

More than a few texts later and after some much needed "filling-in-of-the-forever-lost black-blanks-of-memory" from the evening  before, I was assured that I hadn't ditched my friends, my boyfriend brought me home, that I had been very aware I had drank too much and gone SILENT (Silent? Me? For those of you who know me, you know this is practically impossible!), and the worst I had done was while waiting for the cab ride home I had stumbled, hit the ground, fell flat on my arse, and proceeded to advise everyone around me to leave me there until it was time to get in the cab.  Woot! Oh yah, alcohol is fun. Or is it? 

After a very "long, tired, non-athletic, don't leave the house, snuggle my daughter, lasagna and apple crisp Sunday" and a sickly Monday at the office it finally made perfect sense to me.  Drinking has no place in my happy, healthy, motivated, career driven, athletic, family loving, Supermama lifestyle for a second longer.

I texted my Mama, who has been on the long path of sobriety for 1.5 years and counting (GO MAMA, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!) the following text:

"Hi Mama. Today is day 2 of Sobriety.  I'm joining you on your journey. Thank you for inspiring me to do it. xoxo"

Not to say I had a drinking problem. I never drink when I have my daughter, which is majority of the time. I don't drink on week nights and I rarely drink aside for social dinners or situations.  But when I do, it hits me like a ton of bricks and at least 50% of the time the night becomes a blur at best, and usually involves a black out.  Alcohol hits me hard.  Alcohol doesn't like me.  Alcohol isn't worth it...for me.

This is my story. My journey. What works for me, won't work for everyone. But by writing it here, I hope my daughter reads this one day when she's a big, big girl and realizes just how much I love her and  that she realizes that alcohol is a choice. It's not a mandatory thing you have to do to fit in and be happy and be social,  but it sure can feel like you have to at times.  I believe in leading by example and how can I ever encourage her to make the right lifestyle choices without showing her that I am the real life living  example of it?

My goal is not to quit drinking forever, but instead to not drink for one full year. If after one full year (which will be JUNE 9, 2014) I miss it and I think my life would be more balanced with it,  I'll have no problems screaming it from the rooftop and letting the whole world know that: 1) I achieved a goal I set out to achieve and 2) I was wrong and my life is better with wine.

Wish me luck and don't offer me a glass of wine...offer me a glass of water.

Jess xo

A few faves for the memory box....

Special gifts...

Special notes...

Love notes...

Funny faces...

Jess & Bella xo

Cartoon watching creativeness...

Another day, another priceless moment to make me smile from ear to ear and shake my head in wonderment. Blondie Mcblonderson loves to watch TV in our bed, which is not an uncommon place to find her any given Sunday morning.  However, upon peaking in on her yesterday morning  I couldn't  help but choke back a throat full of laughter, smile in awe and stare in wonderment  at the creative cartoon watching style I had stumbled upon.  What must go through a 5 year olds mind?  A picture can speak a thousand words, but I'll leave you with these final two, "our headboard". 

Enjoy the photos:-)

Jess & Bella

Five: The difference between "mans" and "boys"...

It's no secret I am a SUPER fan of being a mama....nor is it a secret that I'm madly in love with a certain short cheeky little blond girl who raced into my world on a cold snowy January morning at 3:46am with her ginormous crystal blue eyes wide open and staring straight up at me and showing me from minute #1  she wouldn't be willing to miss one single second with her Mama.  That miraculous moment in time that would forever freeze in my memory and change my heart, life, being and reality as I knew it.  To this day, I swear she sleeps with one eye open and one foot off the bed just so she can jump up at a moment's notice and not miss one-single-second-with-her-mom.  Priceless...and exhausting. 

Clearly I have reached the stage where she has turned into her beautiful five year old, big girl self who sleeps through the night, brushes her own teeth, dresses herself, helps make lunches and thinks cleaning is "fun".  Conveniently my aging, exhausted, "mamabrain" memory has played it's clever little trick of keeping only selective great memories and erasing all, but a small trace, of the "other" reality of new parenthood.

One of the most amazing things about being a parent (aside from always having a legitimate excuse to leave a gathering, dinner, concert, party, play, gym, yoga studio, appointment, meeting and bad date early) is the way your child can keep you constantly smiling and chuckling at their innocent questions and wise observations of the world around them. Which leads me to our priceless moment #98475638291:

Bella: "Mama, do you know what is the difference between a man's and a boy"?

Me: "Ummm, no...what?"

Bella: "Mama, man's like flowers and boy's don't."

"Touche my smart, clearly gifted five year old little girl. Touche;-)", I thought to myself as I stared across the room into the kitchen at my fabulous boyfriend "super kent" holding an extra large flowered mug full of black coffee.  

In short: they grow quick...toooo quick, always take the second to look them in the eye when they talk to you, listen to what they have to say even if it's not "convenient", listen with your ears and your heart because they are smarter than you think and they know the difference, and laugh every day....because god knows they definitely do something laugh worthy more than once in a day.

Jess & Bella xo