Thank you Mother Teresa....

"People are often unreasonable and self-centered;

Forgive them anyway. 

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives; 

Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you; 

Be honest anyway. 

If you find happiness, people may be jealous; 

Be happy anyway. 

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow; 

Do good anyway.  

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough; 

Give your best anyway. 

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. 

It was never between you and them anyway." 

~ Mother Teresa 

LIVE...

One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come.  LIVE in the present, and make it so BEAUTIFUL it will be WORTH remembering. And again, I find myself pondering some of life's greatest, simple and truthful words of wisdom. Somebody else's pain, triumph, and real life "stuff" reminding me that my life is just "great"  TODAY. I can't even believe how true this quote has turned out to be for me....on so many different levels. Despite the living in limbo chaos surrounding me on a daily basis, I feel more beautiful and more blessed than I ever have.  I'm living out of a suitcase, sleeping in the bottom bunk of a bunkbed with my little girl, while somebody else sits atop a mountain in our family home and continues life as usual....and I feel BLESSED? How is that even frickin' possible? Never mind, I won't question it...I'll take it and run. (*Might have a little something to do with being surrounded by supportive, unconditional loving, uplifting, GREAT people here on the island...) Truly is funny, just how much your perceptions can change when you settle into some calm in your life.  Every day, another tick goes on the endless checklist of things to accomplish and do in order to move forward peacefully and happily.... Today is a great day (yesterday, not so much, you could barely scrape me off the floor), but it's done and TODAY is another amazing day full of perseverance, consistency, accomplishment and peace...oh and of course, the smiles and "I lubba you Mamas" from my beautiful little girl and unconditional love and support of some amazing angel friends.  Nothing will hold me back from achieving all I need to.  And ironically EVERYthing is falling exactly into place. I didn't even have to go looking, as soon as I stopped, took a breath, relaxed and accepted the moment in life that I'm living, it has all just started falling into my lap....my decisions were made easy. Simplified. Life is good. Even with all thats going on. Life is dam(N) (This one's for you *A) good.  Simple Life Moments to remember....

Home SWEEEET home...

So, as I'm living in limbo between my old "home" and my new "home"...it's left me with a lot of time to rethink what the hell a "home" even is?


Is your home where you currently lay your head at night?
Is your home the big wooden structure you pay a mortgage for every month?
Is your home where your daughter lived her first year  or maybe her second?
Is your home where you came from OR is your home where you're going?
Is your home the place you lived where you woke up with a  big brick weight on your shoulders every single day?
Or is your home where you can wake up with a smile, relaxed and the luxury of breathing easy?


MY home is where my heart is and my heart is first and foremost, ANYWHERE my beautiful "treasure and a joy" of a daughter is.  I could make anywhere an amazing home for us, as long as we're together....most of the time...because let's face it, I have to learn to share, she does have a Daddy who loves her too.  


My heart is also on the island, probably always has been,  and as much as I hate to give my soon to be ex husband any credit, he was right when he always said, "You are SUCH an ISLAND GIRL trapped in a city girls body."....Mr. DC, you were so right about that one thing.


Guess what? I'm proud of it. I am LUCKY to have been blessed with such an amazing upbringing of both good and bad, on this little island I was raised on. I have always had an island oasis I could return "home" to, no matter where I was, who I was with, or what I was doing in my life.  Small town life...small town raising...always welcomed me back with wide open arms and a loving smile......


I am lucky and I hope that one day my beautiful daughter will feel equally as lucky that I have always shared THIS life with her too....she has the best of both worlds.


It's a rambling day.....home...what the hell makes a home......


Thank you to all my secret angels....xo

Colors....a small glimpse of the pages in the book...

Another favorite...timeless....bff of a song...by an amazing artist....Amos Lee is THE man....and Colors speaks volumes.....repeat...repeat...repeat....

Yesterday i got lost in the circus,

feeling like such a mess.

And now I'm down,

I'm just hanging on the corner.

I can't help but reminisce.

Cuz when you're gone,

all the colours fade.

When you're gone,

no new years day parade. 

You're gone,

colours seem to fade.

Your mama called, she said,

that you're downstairs crying.

Feeling like such a mess.

Ya, i hear ya,

in the back ground balling. 

What happened to your sweet summer time dress.

I know we all,

we all got our faults.

We get locked in our vaults,

and we stay..

When you're gone, 

all the colours fade. 

When you're gone,

no new years day parade.

You're gone,

colours seem to fade,

colours seem to fade. 

Survival of the fittest...or funniest...or...

So, yesterday I took a deep breath, put a big smile on my face, and pretended to be SUPER excited for my sweet little Anabella to be leaving her Mama to go with her Daddy back to Vancouver for three days. Count them, THREE days.  I don't know how many times (on the way to the ferry and while we were waiting at the ferry) I said, "Oh Anabella, I'm SO EXCITED for you to see your Daddy, you're going to have SO MUCH FUN!",  when deep down all I wanted to do was hold on tight to her, cry and never let her go.  I loved her up, smothered her with "smoocheroonies", got her her "Timmy's", and loaded her up with treats.  


I love THAT girl...enough to let her go and be happy with the other person on earth who loves her just as much as I do....or pretty dam close, not sure if anyone could possibly love her as much as I do.


I learned from my first experience of her leaving last weekend, that there are some key things necessary to make the "child exchange" day and transition easier....


1) Never and I mean NEVER, let the little bean see you sweat...plaster that SMILE on like there's no tomorrow, even if it means you have to bite your tongue so hard you bleed doing it.


2) Treats...treats...treats....She's so excited to have treats in her hand when she walks away with her Daddy, that she smiles, laughs and runs away saying, "Bye Mama, I LUBBA you...see you soooon." 


3) Bring a good friend or family member to the ferry terminal to help give you strength and something ELSE to focus on too....she had fun on the way to the ferry and she leaves a Mama who's smiling and not standing alone.  Thank god for those friends...


4) ACCEPT that it's happening, accept that your treasure-bean is gone for a few days and she's safe and sound with her Daddy. Then make the most of your ALONE time.  Spend it doing all the things you can't or don't do when you're a full time hands on Mama.  Hang out with amazing friends, bask in the sunshine ALL day long, LAUGH,  have long grown up conversations, drink a glass of wine or two or three, have a sleepover, go to the tanning beds, go for lunch, go shopping, SLEEP IN.  This is a part of your  new life now.  SO chin up buttercup, and accept it for what it is. TRY to enjoy it and make the best of the time you are alone...there's no going back and would you really even if you could?! 

Mama & Bella - Two peas in a pod from minute one....

So, I did good...toot toot....again. Spoke with her and her Daddy this morning and SHE did good too.  Clearly, I must be doing something right to have such a well adjusted little girl on my hands.  I tooootally lucked out in the child department, just sayin'.  She has surpassed all of my expectations and taught me so much about myself and what matters.  I can deal with all of it NOW that I've found me again...


Thanks to the people who have wrapped their arms around me and supported me through this....and in turn without even trying, helped bring that person back to life....


Love my girl.
xo

A meaningful song with some meaningful lyrics....

Ever have a song in your life that seems to be your best friend and constant companion through life long trials and tribulations? Just when you may have forgotten about it, something in life happens that makes you pop the song back on just like your favorite old reliable comfy hoodie or your Moms blanket she gave you....

This song has been to hell and back with me...and yet ironically, today, however many years later, the words ring more true and make more sense to me now, than they ever did....

Thank god for music. Thank god for family. Thank god for beautiful daughters. Thank god for secret angel friends. 

You’re toast and jam
And you’re cotton candy
You’re double rainbows
Beside a setting sun
You’re wood burnin’ outside
There’s a fire growin’
You’re sweet as green apples
You must be the one

You bring me to the heart of a golden man
You bring me to the natural truth
You take me to a solid hollow
And keep me sailing this ocean of youth

So take me to an altar of diamonds
And run with me through sheets of jungle rain
Show me all your manly mystery
And let me heal your beautiful pain

Be my island
In crowds of faces
My oasis
Be there

Lead me to the holy water
Introduce me to the place you are from
Wherever you go you know I will follow
So take me there and I will come 


-Chantal Kreviazuk